you make me feel like a star

sometimes i think i'm a loser for wanting to spend so much time in school. I spent seven hours everyday yet i want to spend more. when im in school i'm happy. happier than i am anywhere else.

Maybe you'll find it weird. I do too.

Today I suddenly realized why.

Its because of you. All of you. we're leaving together and I've never felt so comfortable with such a large group of people. I can say waht i want and even shake that huge ass of mine without feeling an inch of self- consciousness. Isnt that great? For me? A girl who not long ago would not raise her hand in class without feeling ridiculous. Is this me? Someone who would stay quiet all the time even if my answers were always right. My thoughts made sense. They were smart. But I never ever used to say them out loud.

I was scared.

Scared of the people. Scared of the popular kids. scared of the smart kids. I thought I was a misfit.

Maybe I owe it to my 'friends'. Always negating everything I said. Sanniah you're so dumb man.
I AM NOT DUMB.

You changed that. Ever since I started working with you. Wow Sanniah your ideas are so awesome. No you should do the presentation because you kno so much. Sanniah I need your help. Come here.

Yes my friends never thought I'd ever be that in demand.

I know now where I fit.

I fit with the good kids. The kids who like to help. Who like to make people at ease. They're smart. But not brilliant. But good enough to be creative and wacky.

And I'm popular.

in a good way that is.

Drowned

What do you do when your world is sinking?

What do you do when a familiar world comes crashing down?

What do you do when the you realize that reality- reality was just another cover for what it really is?

Do you scream?
Do you laugh?
Do you succumb to tears?
Do you cripple to the ground?

I screamed. I laughed. I cried.

I felt as if I was seeing the world for the first time.

And I wrote. I wrote. I wrote and wrote.

And the pain began to numb.